How To Support Parents in the NICU

NICUs are not just for premie babies. While a majority of babies in the NICU are premies, many of them are not… they are dealing with things like CDH, CHD, pulmonary hypertension, gastroschisis… and so many other things. Surprisingly, most people don’t realize this.

While there are different levels of NICUs out there, different lengths of a stay, and so on - even with the nuance, we can all agree that being a NICU parent is hard. And we wouldn’t wish it on any other parent.

I’m often asked from followers on ways to support parents in the NICU, so I created this list… actually during our NICU stay and hope it will help inspire you to show up for your friends that find themselves navigating a hospital stay with their baby 💙

HOW CAN I HELP?

Although well meaning, I never knew how to answer this and it seems to be common among NICU parents or parents experiencing hospital trauma.. many of us are just trying to see our baby make it through the day - we do not even know what to ask for, what we need; many of us barely are processing what is going on.

You feel like a deer in headlights; just frozen. While everyone else’s world continues, parents with NICU babies have their world stopped - so I created this short list in hopes that it gives you ideas on how to support your friends and family with NICU babies.

The easiest thing you can do is listen, support them, check-in with them (Even if you don’t get. a response, DO NOT take it personally - many parents are BARELY hanging on), and give them grace… they need a lot of it.

COOK A NOURISHING MEAL OR DONATE HEALTHY SNACKS

Do they have a meal train set up? If not, ask to start one! NICU days are often full of fast food, forgetting to eat, hospital food (y’all our hospital food was gross) or vending machine snacks - cooking a warm homemade meal that nourishes the body is a loving way to support the family (bonus if they can freeze some for later).

Don’t forget - Mom is postpartum and it is essential for her to replenish her body. Especially in the early days. The NICU life is a constant state of fight or flight and I promise you that Mom is putting herself last. Any well rounded/healthy snacks that are easy to carry to the hospital go a long way. Electrolyte packets, pre-made herbal teas, and protein filled snacks are beneficial to help her replenish! Even gifting her an easy to take prenatal (Needed is my go to), is very helpful!

PUMPING SUPPORT

Is Mom pumping? Well, pumping is a full time job - not only does the pumping part take ~20 minutes, but the washing the bottles, storing the milk, labeling, etc. is an additional labor of love.

Consider gifting Mama an extra set of pump parts, milk storage bags, cleaning spray, let her use your freezer space if needed, etc. or simply come by and wash her pump parts when she is in the NICU (if you live close by her). You can NEVER have too many extra pumping parts or bags while you’re pumping!

Another great option would be to donate your old wearable breast pump to her (for when she is driving, parenting other kids at home, etc - my bestie did this and it helped SO MUCH) or if you have the funds or can team up with others - consider gifting her one.

NICU OCTOPUS STUFFY

These cuddly toys are used as a form of therapy to help comfort and calm NICU babies. The idea is that the tentacles of the octopus mimic the umbilical cord and can provide comfort to the little one.

With the octopi, some babies in the NICU experienced better breathing and more regular heartbeats, leading to higher levels of oxygen in their blood, per reports.

Etsy and Amazon both have great options!

SCENT CLOTHS

These are SUPER easy to make with scrap fabrics if you have any laying aroung - or, nursing pads are a great option (you could even grab an old shirt from Mom and make a few out of it for her).

It’s a great way to help Mom and Baby stay connected when she can’t always be there!

GIFT CARDS/FUNDING

The NICU rollercoaster can be incredibly taxing emotionally, physically, and financially for many. Gift cards for coffee, food, parking/gas, and groceries can go a long way - even if it’s only $5. Did you know that most hospitals require you to pay for parking each day? and that is on average $5/day. Some hospitals will provide discounted rates or waivers, but not all. Even with a discount, an extended NICU stay can stack up.

Some parents will find themselves staying at the Ronald McDonald house, or similar housing - while these are great and your basic needs/accessories are met, many parents are still facing a loss of income during this time (there is no federal law assisting with NICU stays).

Many parents find themselves on unpaid leave for extended NICU stays and end up paying toward the hospital bill; even with a rainy day fund, or other assistance, savings can go quick.

JOURNAL OR BLESSING JAR

Keeping a journal while in the NICU can be therapeutic, helpful, and simply somewhere to document the journey. Gifting a NICU journal can be a thoughtful way to encourage parents to reflect on their experiences and provide a record of their baby’s journey. (It can also help process the trauma of the experience - it did for me)

A blessing jar is a great way to encourage the NICU family to look for the good or small wins in what can be one of the darkest journeys of their life. A blessing jar my friend gifted me helped me realize the small victories we made each day that I often overlooked - something I needed on the hardest days.

HOUSE CLEANING/PETS

Being in the NICU is a full time job - one that often has a long commute or a lot of time away from home. Basic house duties can quickly go out the window and so does being present for pets. Offer to come by and clean for them - do laundry, wash dishes, take the dog on a walk, clean bathrooms, pick up toys… etc. Or if you have the financial means, hire a cleaning service to come by occasionally for them.

LET THEM KNOW YOU’RE THINKING OF THEM

One of the easiest things you can do - send them texts and let them know you’re thinking of them, praying for them, and you have not forgotten them (especially during holidays. It is SO lonely). But like I mentioned above, give them grace and do not expect a reply. Have your kiddos make their kiddos crafts or the baby a card! Many hospitals have free cards you can send to families in the hospital (check the hospital website, they usually deliver these in hospital). It’s an easy way to brighten up their day! And you can encourage other friends/family to send to them!

WATCH OR SUPPORT THEIR OTHER KIDDOS

Many NICUs have a VERY strict visitor policy, especially toward younger kids (3 and under usually). It is virtually impossible to sit bedside for your very sick NICU kiddo and try to monitor/parent littles. Or, you and your spouse are taking turns - tagging in/out. Offering to watch the kids while the parents are in the NICU is an incredible gift! Helping the older kids have a sense of ‘normalcy’ and ‘fun’ when the parents can’t be fully present was one of the biggest blessings we had given to us during our long NICU stays. Or - do the other kids have practices or events to be at? Offer to take them!

A group of my co-workers also went out of their way and sent my kiddos (2 and 4 at the time) special gifts in the mail - all things that they love. It made them feel special and seen during this time!

OFFER TRANSPORTATION

Do they use a ride share or rely on a service to get to the hospital? Offer help driving them one day! It would mean the world!

While all of this sounds like a lot, know that your friendship and support throughout their NICU journey is the biggest help you can offer. Whether you are able to help financially, physically, through sending gifts, pump parts, or meals, simply reminding your family member or friend that you are there - and meaning it, even when it can’t be reciprocated - will mean more than you could know.

Do you have a NICU story? If you know of something that helped when you when in the thick of the NICU storm that I left off this list, please let me know at eryn@naturalmindedmomma.com